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Every fan can tell you about the personnel who make up a great band – we all know our gods who make the great music, but I’ll be the first to profile the Crew of this band, nay this (mental) institution called Thermal And A Quarter. I don’t recall everyone who was in therapy with us, but I’ll profile the most familiar faces (!)

We start with…

• Guru aka What ra

Guru is the pillar that the Thermal Roadie network stands on. It would impossible to write more about anything in the band without first defining it around Guru. There is a theory that Guru is actually 3 or 4 people, at least there is that much energy in the guy. This energy is expended in his usual activities and roles – dueler, duel maker, verbal slanger, dosa maker, inebriated-fan belter, photographer, press reporter, event organizer, roadie, light man, sound man, camera man, handy man and every other kind of role you could possibly imagine. Our man never rests, and when he does, he is famous for his “2 minute breathers”. On the rare occasions that you catch him asleep, you’ll find him in sweet repose on his thumb or nose (really). He is the only guy in the universe who doesn’t make “garrulous sagacity” an oxymoron.

• KD aka …

KD’s biological name would expand to Korangu Dass, but for the first time it is revealed in these chronicles that he actually has a human name – Vinay. Taratara! KD is the other pillar of the roadie network since he was actually the first guy to be offered the job, never mind that he didn’t turn up and that honor went to this writer instead. KD has his heart in the right place, but almost everything else is misplaced in his huge freezer-like frame. His tales alone would fill a book, but suffice it to say KD ensured nobody ever got bored. The mind goes back to a moment when KD climbed this long metal ladder with great acrobatic finesse and skill – only to discover that he couldn’t get down. So he had to be coaxed down ala a scaredy cat on a very tall tree. KD now heads an apparel store very successfully with his business maxim being – Buy or I pound you to pulp.

• Bala and Arun

Bala and Arun for the band have always been spoken in the same breath. Bala is the ultimate footloose and fancy guy – he is in a party all the time. For a time he was the talented pretend keyboard player (he pretended very well) for the band Road Crew (more on this entity later). Now he is a temporary Britizen of the Empire and raising a toast to the Queen’s health at some party somewhere

Arun is the super brainy, super intelligent but-by-no-means-geek dude. Rumour has it that he has 2 IITians for breakfast and 3 MBAs for lime juice. Arun is now traveling all over the world and making millions for HP.

• Rajesh aka Phat Muttony

Phat Muttony is the super talented musician who got the ultimate roadie promotion – he made it to the band. His musicianship aside, the band believes that Muttons is actually what Newton was looking for – the perfect inertial frame. His frame had so much inertia, Archimedes would say – give me a crane, and I can try to move him. Muttons is also known for his incredible capacity to decimate food. The staff of Empire and Impy’s are in awe of him when he digs in. He is the reason why there is a drastic drop in the sheep population of Australia and Shivajinagar. Long live Muttons, and sorry we can’t say the same for the sheep.

• Rakesh aka Oosht Battery

Rakesh’s suspect mental processes led Bala and Arun to suppose that his “Battery” had gone “Oosht”. Battery or Batts was the band’s very own recycle bin when it came to food. There were never any leftovers. Batts has an even bigger appetite than his aforementioned brother Muttons, and for him all food is potential battery acid. The Muttony bros have the capacity to wreak havoc and cause serious ecological disasters when they decide to cut loose. Batts has expressed a desire to win the Pulitzer and is on his way there, dishing out very nice fare for a respectable South Indian newspaper. The band, with their affection for the rags, fondly remember him as “Paper Pulitzer”

Up next – The Spirit of the Roadie-o – part 2